Change

People change, that's what we normally hear nowadays, but why do people change? What causes them to change??

Is it because it was meant to be? That they were in fact like that, and it's just a matter of time before they turn to their true selves?

Do bad guys born to be bad guys from the start? Are they meant to be that way?

Or because of the environment that turned them into what they were now?

Is it possible that the people, the surroundings, and/or the environment that you live in causes a change in you?

Or is it simply that you just haven become your true self?

Fact that, people do not simply change, without a reason. Or something worth changing.

Some people change for the better, some worst. But what are the main causes? 

I've changed too.. a lot..in fact.. a freaking lot..

I've grown to be more temperamental (which I was not back then)
I've grown to be easily frustrated and the frustration lasts longer than it was before.

I've grown to think negatively.

I've grown to have thoughts, bad thoughts.

I've grown to be bad.

What happened to me that causes all these changes?

Love, Care, Childhood, Family, Friends, Environment, Surroundings

People don't change unless they are forced to, or made to.

I changed particularly because I lack things when I was young, when I needed it.

And all these years, it keep disturbs me.. I've grown to be apart, to be less sociable to my family, and this time, it extends to my friends as well..

For all it matters, my friends were my refuge for all the 'sufferings' I had.. But as I started losing a few, mostly because of my change in personality, I grew apart. I grew apart from the ones I cherish, I no longer am the person I knew I was.

I'm totally different now, a whole new person, a whole new bad person.

You may see me as very good bla bla, but deep inside, I have thoughts, bad thoughts that I am determined to carry it out. Because I changed. I changed for the worst. 

For now, I hope I can get enough money to leave. To get away, forever.

And may that helps in changing me back to my true self... Not the way I am now.

I dislike it, but I cant change it now, not when the change factor is still here, around me.. for as long as they are there, I cant change.

Happy Birthday to me

Happy birthday to me..again...
But happiness seems to be far away from me.

I don't even remember when was the last time I was happy. Prolly was Upper Form Six ba..when my dearest friend helped me to celebrate..

And then onwards...I'm on my own. I celebrate myself.
yes, i bought a slice of cake to celebrate my own birthday.

so what? I can handle that..Nobody celebrating with me? I can accept that.
But not being happy on a day where people are supposed to be happy?
That...I am kinda unable to accept.

I mean, people should be happy...at all times...
It mustn't be limited to special occasions.. no..it should be every single minute.

I really wished that I could find back my own happiness elsewhere.
I hope by making that decision, I'm able to find my happiness.. and yes I wouldn't regret a bit.

Goodbye now. May happiness find me...

The Confirmation

Have you ever been so confirmed of your choice that no matter what, you will do it?
Have you ever been so determined to work out the choice you had made, even if its the most badass choice in life?

Have you ever thought of leaving(disown) your parents and live a life on your own??
Have you ever?

Well, I do.
I can hear people saying oh you don't have filial piety, you this you that.
For those naysayers... FUCK YOU AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS..
you never know what's behind this curtain AND YOU WONT.
SO FUCK OFF AND DO YOUR OWN SHIT.

You can say that they raised you up bla bla those shit.
Yeah, they raise me up, so WHAT?
they raised me up because THEY HAD TO.
All these while, I'm suffering...and who knows? NOBODY...
I had to accept things I don't like because of them, because they had no money.
I thought for them, but do they think FOR ME? NO...
all they care was for themselves...FUCKING SELFISH SHITS.
YOU THINK I WANT TO DO ALL THOSE THINGS AR?

I DO ALL THIS BECAUSE I KNOW THE SITUATION I AM IN.
I did not complain, because I know we are like this.
I silently take watever shit you throw to me because I don't like to argue.
I don't like to fight.
BUT I can STAND NO MORE.

Patience had beyond the limits. IT has boiled over right now.
And I'm just buying time to get enough money to get away once and for all.
You just wait.. I WILL pack my stuff and go..
I don't want to have anything to do with these so called family anymore.
I had ENOUGH.

Karma or what, I don't care. Let it be me.
At least I know I will be happy without you all.
You all are more than just a pain-in-the-ass.
YOU ARE worst than that.

And one day when I leave, I wouldn't shed a single drop of tears, I wouldn't even look back. For family are my past. I'm going to live My future on my own. No matter how tough, I'll survive without you all.

THAT I GUARANTEE.

You wouldn't have any news about me, because I shall not reply a single shit.
How my life is gona be, It's UP TO ME TO DECIDE.. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR 'GOOD' ADVICE.
Go tell someone else..
GO tell others HOW YOU LOST YOUR SON.
GO make up stories. I don't care, because I wont be coming back.

It's Not That Simple

Life isn't a bed of roses, You encounter a lot of obstacles in your way.
How you handle it will determine whether you succeed in the later stages of life.

Life comes and goes in a flash,
and in that moment, you left behind your footprint,
each footprint brings you memories.

What if, as you journey across your life,
you found someone that you think is the right one,
but you somehow let it go because of a small matter.
Yeah yeah, both did mistakes, both did something that make the other mad,
things aren't so simple.

If it were, life wouldn't so tough after all.

2 souls needs time to bond, they need the time to break down each other's membrane that protects themselves from harm.

They say the third party always see things clearly. Because when they are see the big picture. They observe and they notice. They understand.

People are always like that, they tend to perceive things their own way. They do not let themselves to be in the other shoes.
They think that their way is the most possible wan, because they didn't want to know the alternative.

Come on, you fear of the "unknown" that you bug off? not wanting to know the truth?
How cowardly. No offence but.

Men are from Mars, Woman from Venus.
We have our own component that makes us unique from one another. Do not simple judge people if you don't know them. You are not them, you have no freaking idea what they think. 
All you can do is to try understand. To understand people aint easy, because it takes two to fully understand each other that the bond will last.

To breakthrough, one must understand the weakness, and accept it. For it is the weaknesses that enables you to bind together. Do not afraid of failing or rejection, because it will only bring you nearer to your goal. Every failure also brings u close to perfection.

Sometimes we need to admit our own weaknesses. And stand out from the situation and analyse the bigger picture, we seldom want to admit that it is we ourselves that may or may not be the root of the problem. Be a man to admit it. Others have mistakes too, but what makes them ready to admit while you don't?

Sometimes we did something, that we did unknowingly, that actually hurt a person's feeling, you don't know that you hurt them so deep inside that it's not easy to forgive.
And you expect them to 4gv u because they had forgiven you many times before.. Seriously, will you 4gv a person countless times even if they did the same mistake??

Reflect babe.

Do not take things for granted. Do not think that they are obliged to forgive you because you say sorry. Life aint that simple.

Be a man, confront your mistakes. Do not run away. It's not good.

Of Soil and Plants

Soil is the outer covering of the planet, and the basis of our gardens. 
What our soil is like affects what we can grow and how well plants do in our particular garden. 
Unless we grow all our plants in containers where we can choose what we grow them in, we have to adapt our expectations to the soil we find in our gardens.

There are 3 kinds of soils, heavy soils, medium soils and light soils. And in addition to type of soils, there is also a matter of importance, which the pH level of the soil.

In layman's terms, soils are differentiated into acidic, alkaline and neutral types..where each type influences what plant you grow.

• Most plants prefer a pH of 6.5 to 7 – the point where nutrients are most easily available
• But some are ericaceous - they need acid soil – for example, most rhododendrons
• Or an alkaline soil – for example, saxifrages

Put an acid-loving plant in alkaline soil and it will suffer and die, and vice versa - you’ve been warned!

You see, only certain types of plants are suitable for a certain type of soil...

You may have a superbly fertile land, but if you have the wrong seed, it's just not going to work. 

But who's to understand that theory?? they all see the fertile land and the benefits of it... Who cares what seed you plant? they will grow well la!! SUCH fertile land if no plant can grow?? IMPOSSIBLE..!!! 

Try plant a cactus in a fertile soil.. See whether it can grow...
or try growing cabbage in a desert..

See whether it can produce any produce. go.. try it..

that the theory that people cant seem to accept.

Or just don't want to..


We are the soils, and life are just like the plants. There can only be a few combinations that the plants are suitable for the soil.

We choose the lives that we want to live, but when you opt for the wrong plant, do you wait and hope that someday the plant will be able to blossom and produce fruit?
Or you wait for awhile, once you felt that plant isnt growing, straightaway change the plant,
Or you research the land, and find the suitable plant.

Which are you?

Life isnt a bed of roses, yes, everybody knows that..

But we could choose the life we wanted no?

Some waited forever for the plant to grow,
Some waited temporarily, for they don't know which plant is suitable,
whereas some do perfectly know what plant they need..

The funny thing is, we all are our own masters of the soil that we have, we choose what plant we want..

But how many can actually do that?
How many people can actually choose what they want?

How many people can actually choose the plant they wan smoothly?

Detractors will say :

What about the humidity factor?
the weather factor?
the environmental factor?

and they keep enforcing you with these thoughts that you eventually bought it, not because you want it, but you did it because you wan them to shut up.
And when you fail, you can blame them.


Every Soil has its own plant, but can they survive the detractors?